So I've learned

That I am about to do a piece tomorrow night on labels....labels that we label others and labels that we hide behind. I learned I am guilty of the very thing I am teaching against! Today was ropes course day and I had a great time harnessing kids to go up on the high events and encouraging them while up there and then when they accomplished their goal and came down. As I left the high event (the pole - a 30 foot tree with the top hacked off, a round wooden disk about a foot in diameter on top, and a ladder going all the way up) Steve, the On the Edge guy, said, hey Rosie come back later if you want and go up. I went on my merry way to study, do laundry, and take a rest thinking "yah maybe, if I have time...I did the ropes course 4 years ago as a facilitator in training and don' t really need to do it again. It's really for the kids. Well I came into staff training thinking "I better not do all the physical events...I might hurt myself...I am not the same me I was four years ago. I have two kids now and my body just isn't the same...I might hurt myself....etc. etc. etc...." A lot of doubting self talk that I thought was just me being "safe" but really it was my stuffing myself into this little box called "mommy" and hiding behind that title allowing myself to be something that I didn't want to be (not fun, not adventurous etc.) ...limiting myself to a certain me....not physically fit, not a healthy eater, not able to do ropes course, etc, etc, etc. During staff training we all did the "high trust fall" where you climb up 5 or 6 rungs on a ladder and then fall backwards (no peeking) onto the hands of your teammates (we call it a bed of hands)....talk about trust! I thought I wouldn't be able to and guess what? I did! Our whole staff did it. The thing about these trust falls is that we aren't just falling out of trees and such. We make it a metaphor and "let something go" that has been holding us back being the best us we can be (within our power I should say)....so for my trust fall I let go of the guilt I was feeling leaving the boys to do SuperCamp and also recognized that I needed to trust and let go of the control I was struggling with not having while not being with them....that Ryan IS a wonderful Dad and also that even when I do have them in my care...how much am I REALLY in control?? Exactly. God is the one is control :) (We went much deeper with our staff as opposed to campers in this way because we chose to be here, campers are sent by their parents so we don't go into spiritual/political/etc. with them :))) Although I did meet one nice young man camper who is saved and we have had some wonderful conversations :)

So then came barrier breaking where you write a goal for your life on the top off this board and then what is stopping you or rather what you are letting stop you on the back. You walk around the circle (of staff in this case) and show your goal, show your obstacle, and then set the board on two cinder blocks (barrier side up), and then bust through it with your hand reaching down and "grabbing your goal" (and SuperCamp moves that we are taught). This is all to the song "The Eye of the Tiger" that is playing super loud and EVERYONE is cheering for you, screaming your name, and then doing the actions with you as you do them. After I busted through my barrier, everyone circled around me and yelled my name, "ROSIE, ROSIE, ROSIE, ROSIE,".....:) My goal was healthier living so I can be around for my family...my wonderful hubby and two beautiful boys...and more little ones if we are blessed in that way. Can I just tell you it has been so easy to eat more healthfully here. Taking the symbolic step of actually breaking through my barrier in a physical way has made quite the difference!

So today I studied, got some rest, and then took my laundry down to do. As I sat there I realized that my goal of starting my photog business in the Chicago area really needed some accountability...some ooomph! I looked at my watch and then decided I better get over to the high events before they took them down. I practically ran there, got harnessed up, stated my goal of starting my business, let go of "fear of failure, excuses, and lack of self-confidence in my work" which is really not a trust in God giving me the talent I need to serve people, climbed the tree, stood on top (it was much scarier than I remembered it!!), shook like crazy, turned on the disc, and JUMPED for that rope!!!

I have learned so much more than that I can still climb a 30 foot ladder and jump off. I have learned that even though I am a mommy I can be physically fit, I can eat healthfully, I can be in control of these things. I can do SuperCamp and make a difference for the Glory of God in the lives of many many kids and staff alike. I can grow and learn and need to grow and learn to be the best wife, mommy, sister, friend, all of the above. I don't know what next year will bring...or even next month for that matter, but I know that what I am doing here is good and that my boys are taken care of. I definitely miss them like crazy but i know I'll seem them soon. I just wanted to share that with all of you so you can help keep me accountable when I am at home. It's so easy to think this way here when everyone is living the same philosophy and our prime directive is to teach all this stuff to the kids. I hope you have a great night! I better get to bed!
Love Rosie........:)